A Door Where it Shouldn't Be

TRIGGER WARNINGS being watched, inhuman figures, fear of the dark.

ARCHIVIST:
Statement of Janice Kingsley, regarding a traumatic childhood experience. Statement begins.

When I was nine years old I’d be the only one awake at night. I stayed up late watching TV despite my mom telling me that I would regret it tomorrow when I was drowsy. I did find out a few years later I found out I had insomnia. Anyways, during one of those late nights, I was awake watching TV. I remember it vividly, actually. It was a rerun of some early 2000’s sitcom, and eventually, the canned laughter from every joke started to wear thin and I wanted to go to bed. The credits rolled and I yawned, exhausted out of my mind from staying up late. I looked over to the clock that read “3:30 AM” in its fluorescent green. I stood up, rubbing tears away from my eyes as I felt sluggish. God, I was exhausted. Moving my arms, I turned off the TV before walking over to the light switch. I hated turning off the lights. Sure, I could just go to bed early, but when would a nine-year-old ever choose to make their life easier? Apparently nine year old me didn’t. If I just slept normally… I wouldn’t be here. Funny, isn’t it? How at the most vulnerable am I the most safe? Back to the crippling void of darkness and fear- yes. I needed to turn the lights off.

I made a game for myself so I didn’t end up having a breakdown about the fact I would be in the dark. It went like this.

I’d stand directly in front of the lightswitch, giving myself 15 seconds to prepare and try and visualize the layout of my house before closing my eyes and taking three deep breaths. I’d proceed to feel around the wall before the cold plastic of the light switch was underneath my hand. I’d turn it off, feeling around the wall before turning 90 degrees to the left and running straight, counting each second my eyes were closed and I was trapped in the confines of my eyelids and the dark. I hated this part the most, feeling for the doorknob where I knew my door was supposed to be. I’d finally make it to my room where I’d sleep with the light on. If I made it under 30 seconds, I won the game. If not, I lost. The end. I’m sure that the electricity bill was atrocious with the whole “sleeping with the lights on” deal, though it was always turned off by the time it was morning, and the door just slightly opened every time I woke up. I thought it was my parents but- okay. I’ll just continue. It was all just a part of the little game I played with myself.

However, on this wonderful 3:30 AM night, I stood in front of the light switch like usual, feeling around for the cold plastic. I turned it off, turning 90 degrees to the left and running before I ran into something. I didn’t dare open my eyes, I probably ran into a lamp or something. Though the thing I ran into was slightly warm, I ignored that thought immediately, preferring not to dwell on what that implied. I counted in my head, stopping at where my door should’ve been. I held my hand out to touch the wood, cold and welcoming. I felt for the door three times, dragging my fingertips around the smooth wall and feeling confused in the way that no matter where my hands were, there was no door.

Nothing. My door wasn’t there anymore. Furrowing my brow, I took a few steps forward, feeling for the door to the bathroom too. I could turn the bathroom light on and look for the door, I thought. I felt nothing. I continued to walk down the hall, feeling nothing but a smooth wall, ignoring where every other door should’ve been. Eventually, I ended up running into a wall myself, feeling a cold breeze coming from the end of the hall. The hall always led to a dead and yet I felt around before finding a doorknob- which was very much not mine. No room has ever existed there. I clutched the doorknob, feeling my stomach drop as I held my breath. I forced my eyes closed as I bit my tongue, opening my eyes and-

There was no door. It was just the end of the hallway. I scowled, what was that!? Thought I must’ve been hallucinating or something- I should just sleep. I opened my door and went to bed with the light on. The light was off when I woke up.

The next day, I played the game again. The feeling of anxiety washed over me once again as I knew whatever happened last night wasn’t in my imagination. I counted to ten this time, flicking the light switch. I closed my eyes and turned, running to my room only to run into the thing from last night. I fell over and kept my eyes shut as I leaned back on my hands, hearing the thing shuffle in place. I screamed, the thing in the dark watching me as I stood up and speed walked past it, feeling something caress my hair. It just touched me. I felt my stomach drop as I lay in bed that night, thinking of the monster in the hallway who could touch me. It was there- it was there last night and this night. What if it was there again tomorrow? I felt sick at that thought, the feeling of vertigo strong from my anxiety and exhaustion.

I didn’t stay up late the next night, my mother was quite proud of me as I laid in bed at 9:00 PM with the light on. I stared at the door, it was closed shut and had not a single crack in it where it could swing open from the wind. No one could turn the lights off without me knowing now for I had a cup of stolen coffee next to me if I felt tired. I knew there was something wrong, something there- waiting for me to turn off the light and watch me in the hallway. I looked outside the window, the dark backyard adding another layer of anxiety. I held my head in my hands, trying not to look into the darkness but I looked back again. This time, there was a figure watching me, I could barely make out what the figure looked like. It had long arms, and a skinny torso but the thing that scared me the most was its twisting hands. They were as long as his torso, sharp at the edges, and dripping with liquid thick enough for me to make out in the dark. I covered my scream with my hands, hiding under the blanket for a few hours more.

I closed my eyes. The warmth and the heat of the blanket kept me grounded as I listened to my clock tick endlessly, warning me the night was passing quickly. I was under the blanket for I don’t know how long, but eventually, I heard the door creak open. I peeked outside of my little blanket cave only for me to see those long, twisting fingers open the door, curling around the wood and clutching it as the head of the monster I couldn’t make out peeked in. I hiccuped, hiding under the covers as the monster’s long legs started to move. The thing started to caress the blanket I hid under, before turning off the lights without having to move, thanks to its large arms. It closed the door, but not all the way as I heard his long fingers tap, a sound of a goodbye as it left.

I stayed under the blanket until morning, only allowing myself to leave once the sun was up. Since that night, no matter where I move or where I sleep, he always turns off the lights. I don’t want to know what happens when the lights are off when I fall asleep.

Sigh, statement ends.